And it's over...

Tonight, we had a big YWAM party to signify the end of our lecture phase. next week, everything's going to change. hehe, I'm so ready for a change. lately, our schedule's been a little varied, which is nice, but it feels like it's time for a change, a big one. on a side note, nobody warned me ahead of time that there would be so many parties in YWAM. well, there's a good amount of people on our base, so we have a b-day party on avaerge, once a week. everytime we have a party, it's a different theme, most of the time it requires dressing up. this has become an issue for me...I own only two pair of heels and since I was going off to "missionary school," I didn't think I'd need them! little did I know. also, I didn't bring any sort skirt or dress (I don't own many of those either). yeah so...it's starting to bug me...because at every party I'm not really dressed up, and each time, people ask me, "why aren't you dressed up, don't you like this kinda thing?" and each time I explain all over again that I didn't bring any nice clothes with me. hehe...I know it's stupid that I'm rambling on about this, but yeah, it's been annoying me a little bit. that's one reason why I'm so excited to go on outreach...it won't matter if I'm dressed up or not! naah, just kidding. kinda. but I am so so so excited about outreach.
anyway...so tonight we had our party. it was that "vintage" party I mentioned before. I spent the past few days working on some vintage looking paintings for decoration. I'd planned for five paintings, but managed to finish three. I'm gonna finish the other ones later. man, it was so much fun! these were the sort of pictures I used to make when I was little. it felt like glorified doodling to me. I loved it. it's funny...because I guess I never realized how special art can be to someone. Janet, the completely awesome lady whose in charge of hospitality, decided to hold a raffel as part of the evening, to win these paintings. I was told one girl actually cried a little when she realized she didn't win. I didn't know what to do with that information. people throughout the evening came up to me and told me how beautiful my paintings were. Olivier said I was "incredible." I didn't know what to do with any of this....I just said thank you. it's just so strange to me...I don't know. I mean, these paintings, in my mind, weren't amazing, they weren't realistic at all. they took so little time, and were so easy and fun. I don't know...I loved that people liked my work, and that I was able to bless people through it...and I did enjoy the attention somewhat. but, I also felt really....uncomfortable. at one point during the evening everyone started cheering for me, and chanting my name. AGGH...it was so awkward. I'd never recieved that sort of reaction before. and you know, it's not MY talent...it's God's gift that He's entrusted me with. I look at a painting I did, people ask me how I painted it...and I have no idea, it just comes out. the cool thing is, that I see myself really beginning to enjoy this gift. that, my friend, is something totally new. plus, when I have awkward moments like what I said before, it's hard for me to not see my value in what I do. I'm valuable because I'm who I am...but of course I don't get that kind of attention for not doing anything. that's normal. I have a little bit of an issue in thinking in extremes. especially when it comes to myself. but yeah...the really funky part of the situation was, when it was over...all I really wanted to do was go cry somewhere and ramble on about how I didn't understand myself. I forced myself not to do this, and danced with everyone else instead. Emily and I danced the night away. I LOVE her...she's an amazing woman, and a great friend. it was cool, we danced to the song, "April in Paris." it's like our song, because in 2 weeks, we'll be in Paris, and it's April! :D our last guest speaker lives in Paris and we'll be working with him on outreach. Today when we were saying good-bye, I said something I've never got to say to anyone: "see you in Paris!" it was pretty awesome.
well, that's it for now, it's time for bed. please keep praying...especially for outreach provision and such. Thank you! I love you!
~Abby